absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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