i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
