Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
