Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
