New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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