So drunk its hurt
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
