I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
