I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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