you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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