The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
