My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
