Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
