i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
