I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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