i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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