I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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