After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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