The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You made out with two different species that night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
