Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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