when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
