Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
