I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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