She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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