New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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