the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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