dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
