I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
