5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
