and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
