I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
