Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
