what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
