I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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