how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
