so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
