chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
