i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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