So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
