People with herpes should wear stickers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
