I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
