took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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