It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
