Apparently you make a good broom.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
