tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize