eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
