____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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