Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
someone owes me an orgasm
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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