he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
