just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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