My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
