My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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