lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
