He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
