i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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