Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
