why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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