K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
