is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
