I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
