oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
