i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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