Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
