Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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