I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
