I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I didn't shave. On purpose
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
