$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
