i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
