I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
