I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
