You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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