I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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