I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
