four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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