So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
