If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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