Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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