It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
