happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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