guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
