i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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