For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
