i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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