Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
