speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she told me i tasted like america
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Less talking, more tequila
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Randomize
